The University of Colorado is Starting Eric Cartman at Left Tackle This Week…

Yes, I’m being totally serious. Eric Cartman is scheduled to line up at Left Tackle for the University of Colorado on Saturday against the University of Michigan. Bernie Sanders is penciled in the starting lineup at free safety as well. Colorado might be screwed.

I’m not being serious. Colorado isn’t actually screwed (even though they are likely to be blown out this week), but are just rather screwing with everyone else.

Since their opponent, the University of Michigan doesn’t release an official depth chart ahead of the game, the Sports Information Director’s office at Colorado, decided to have a little bit of fun, making up a fake two deep depth chart full of fictional characters and historical figures. It’s quite funny, take a look yourself.

Headlines from the two deep:

• Elmer Fudd (5’2″, 165 lbs, Sr.) is listed as the starting quarterback. However, I would say that second stringer Danny DeVito (5’3″, 200 lbs, Sr.) gives Colorado a better chance with his in the pocket mobility. I’ll be interested to see if they split reps against the Wolverines.
• Colorado is doing something revolutionary with their offense. They’ve coined two new positions of “Thin Receiver” and “One-Fourth Back”. I’m interested to see what kind of play making ability starters Olive Oil (6’2″, 95 lbs, Sr.) and Billy Ray Valentine (6’0″, 190 lbs, Jr.) bring to the table.
• Colorado has decided to go very undersized at Right Tackle. Starter Butch Cassidy (6’0″, 185 lbs, Jr.) will be giving up over 100 pounds against most of the guys he’s lining up against.
• The talent on the defense is definitely in the back seven. Bernie Sanders (6’1″, 215 lbs, Jr.) and Vladimir Lenin (5’8″, 175 lbs, Jr.) are expected to split reps at Free Safety and could both be featured on the field at the same time. The only problem is instead of having opposing offenses earn their way down the field, they’re more interested in just giving them free points in the name of “Scoring Equality”.
• Happy Gilmore (6’1″, 215 lbs, So.) was just added off the schools golf team after a school wide punting tryout. His strategy seems to be to put the ball on the ground and try to slap it with his hockey stick. We’ll see if the officials allow this new method in this road contest.

Back to being serious. It’s nice to see that someone is not taking themselves too seriously in College Football. Maybe Jim Harbaugh could learn a thing or two and lighten up a little.