PAGE ZERO (satire): Joe Paterno insists he’s still the coach of Penn State, will ‘coach from home’ next week against Ohio State

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STATE COLLEGE, PA – Last Wednesday, the Penn State University board of trustees announced they would severe ties with their longtime head coach Joe Paterno amid allegations that a former assistant of his Jerry Sandusky sexually abused children.

This past Saturday, defensive coordinator Tom Bradley took over the head coaching duties on an interim basis as the Nittany Lions fell to Nebraska 17-14 from Happy Valley.

Despite the apparent firing, reports out of State College indicate that Joe Paterno believes he is still the head coach of the Nittany Lions.

“What are you talking about… I’m not fired” Paterno told reporters outside his home. “They told me I can coach from home”.

Page Zero has learned that Paterno is telling the truth to an extent.

“It is true, we did tell Joe that he can just coach from home”, Penn State University interim president Rodney Erickson said Sunday, ” this is just the next step in moving on from Joe Paterno, besides Joe hasn’t really coached the team in almost ten years”.

Ref: AP (image)