Anaheim Ducks

The Majors Presents: Bizarro NHL


“Hey gang”. I never thought I’d miss not hearing Mickey Redmond. Well, with Hockey supposed to have started in just under 48 hours, I am now in withdrawl. I just finished watching the second re-run of KHL Lev lose to Moscow Dynamo on ESPN2 (This is like bizarro world for me). So, a couple of weeks ago on The Majors LIVE, Adam, Lickolas, Squirrel and I all kind of had a crazy idea:

Why don’t we use the technology at our fingertips and actually HAVE a hockey season? No, this won’t be perfect, but it’ll be fun, a little interactive, and maybe fill a little of the void we all feel without actually being able to go down to the JLA and smell the ice, hear the sticks hit the pucks, and the goal horn. (And of course, rest in peace Budd.)

We have NHL 13 ramped up and ready to go. I have a full season plotted out in Excel, painstakingly inputting every game and every date by hand, I’ve manually crafted the rosters to mirror the current roster according to

And best of all, we’re going to be asking for your help. You will get the opportunity, tonight, and moving forward throughout the season, to be Red Wings GM, and via polls and input, we will post up incoming trades, free agent signings, scores from throughout the league, scoring and goaltending statistics, we are going to try and bring you the most accurate alternate-reality hockey league outside of a CBA being signed.

With the fan interaction in mind, there is several things to keep in mind. When it comes to line creation, ultimate authority on lineups and roster moves will be on me. If a trade comes in, I will post a poll asking what fans think of the deal, and depending on the reaction, will execute that move. In terms of how the lines are dressed, I will post updated ones depending on how the team is performing at even strength, powerplay, shorthanded, and based upon injuries for simplicities sake.

I will not play a single game. Every game will be simulated based upon EA NHL 13 standards, and I will do my best through excel sheets to keep updated scoring statistics for every team.



Without further delay, here is your current Red Wings roster:

Johan Franzen (LW) – Pavel Datsyuk (C) – Danny Cleary (RW)

Valtteri Filppula (LW) – Henrik Zetterberg (C) – Todd Bertuzzi (RW)

Drew Miller (LW) – Darren Helm (C) – Mikael Samuelsson (RW)

Justin Abdelkader (LW) – Cory Emmerton (C) – Jordan Tootoo (RW)

Niklas Kronwall (LD) – Kyle Quincey (RD)

Carlo Colaiacovo (LD) – Ian White (RD)

Jonathan Ericsson (LD) – Brendan Smith (RD)

Jimmy Howard (G)

Jonas Gustavsson (G)

Scratched: Jan Mursak (LW), Jakub Kindl (D)

IR: Patrick Eaves

Now, as the season hasn’t begun, there is still time to bring in a free agent to bolster the roster further. Sadly, I cannot actually designate players to LTIR or create them out of play for other reasons (Such as Tim Thomas not playing the year, he will remain on the Boston Bruins, and I cannot designate them to start Rask over him).

The Salary cap is 70.200M. The Red Wings current salary spent is: 57.830M. They have 12.370M to the ceiling. Bear in mind, any trades will count against their cap.

The top available free agents (1-20) are:

  1. Andrei Kostitsyn (LW) – Age: 27, Salary Expected: 4.795M
  2. Cam Barker (D) – Age: 26, Salary Expected: 3.875M
  3. Kristian Huselius (LW) – Age: 33, Salary Expected: 2.660M
  4. Mike Knuble (RW) – Age: 40, Salary Expected: 2.945M
  5. Dominic Moore (C) – Age: 32, Salary Expected: 2.495M
  6. Paul Ranger (D) – Age: 28, Salary Expected: 2.860M
  7. Brett Clark (D) – Age: 35, Salary Expected: 2.420M
  8. Colin White (D) – Age: 34, Salary Expected: 2.355M
  9. Gilbert Brule (C) – Age: 25, Salary Expected: 3.565M
  10. Brent Sopel (D) – Age: 35, Salary Expected: 1.895M
  11. Andrew Brunette (LW) – Age: 39, Salary Expected: 2.420M
  12. Niklas Hagman (LW) – Age: 32, Salary Expected: 2.205M
  13. Jaroslav Spacek (D) – Age: 38, Salary Expected: 2.265M
  14. Shaone Morrison (D) – Age: 29, Salary Expected: 1.945M
  15. Jason Arnott (C) – Age: 37, Salary Expected: 2.485M
  16. Chris Campoli (D) – Age: 28, Salary Expected: 1.575M
  17. Eric Fehr (RW) – Age: 27, Salary Expected: 2.015M
  18. Daymond Langkow (C) – Age: 35, Salary Expected: 2.175M
  19. Mark Eaton (D) – Age: 35, Salary Expected: 1.555M
  20. Jochen Hecht (C) – Age: 35, Salary Expected: 2.045M

Honorable Mentions (Outside of top 20):

Tomas Holmstrom (LW) – Age: 39, SE: 1.405M

Jason Blake (LW) – Age: 39, SE: 0.860M

Brian Rolston (RW) – Age: 39, SE: 0.815M

Goaltending top 5:

  1. Pascal Leclair – Age: 29, SE: 2.035M
  2. Marty Turco – Age: 37, SE: 1.570M
  3. Brent Johnson – Age: 35, SE: 1.390M
  4. Dan Ellis – Age: 32, SE: 1.240M
  5. Cristobal Huet – Age: 37, SE: 1.115M

I will create a link on the Facebook page to an open poll as soon as some votes are asked in terms of adding any of these free agents, the poll will end shortly before 8PM on October 11th, and scores will be posted from the games played that night throughout the league. I will create a google doc displaying the schedules from each team and the results of that game, as well as the lineups and stats for each team. Any ideas, recommendations, even input is appreciated.

Who’s ready for the puck to drop? I know I am.

About Aaron Eggemeyer

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